Interview: Achelois, Simply A Woman

Mixed of Pakistani and Arab blood, and the third Muslim generation of her ancestors in the UK, Suroor talks about being a patriotic educated British woman; Aly’s bossy (passionate) wife and a cranky (caring) mother to her cute children. Achelois is her nickname in blogland.

You know, the first question is always a headache. How would you describe yourself?

Passionate, honest, bluntly straightforward, often caring but also short-tempered, and unfortunately quite forgiving.

This is a psychological statement. Usually they ask for three things, but I’ll change the question. What are the five things you wish to have if you were in a deserted island?

Knife to kill animals, lighter to cook them, women’s porn to kill boredom, photo album of family for mushy moments, and a huge supply of toilet paper for …

 ”I really like this image. A photo of my son’s T-shirt and so aptly describes me and him.”

What is your level of education?

I have two Bachelors degrees, two Masters degrees, and two post-graduate diplomas. Currently studying for a PhD.

Do you feel there is a big difference between the virtual world and the real world?

Maybe. I think the virtual world is less dangerous and more accessible that the real world.

And your story behind starting a blog? When did you start? What inspired you to become a part of the blogsphere?

I started blogging in May 2005. I started blogging for two basic reasons:

One, my best friend had left Islam because she was in an abusive marriage with a man who blamed his actions on Islam. Consequently she felt Islam was misogynistic.

Two, one of my students suffered greatly through her father’s polygamous marriage. I started reading up on Muslim sociological patterns and through a book ‘From Monogamy to Polygamy’ I was introduced to blogs and online groups on polygamy which left me speechless and introduced me to a world that is shockingly different from the world in which I grew up.

I found that there were either blogs that refused to discuss Muslim sociological problems or there were those that exist to bash Islam. I didn’t find many that followed the middle path – that is discuss what is wrong with Muslim communities and the spreading misogyny while firmly believing in the inherent good in Islam.

Blogging helped me walk on the middle path, meet people who feel the way I feel and it offers me the chance to share my understanding with others, spread the message of tolerance which I feel lacks in almost all communities including the Muslim community, and bring people closer to each other whether or not we share a religion. It helped me tremedously in reconnecting with my best friend and showing her tolerance and acceptance despite her choices. Three years later she has slowly returned to Islam but I never gave up her side even when she was away from my religion.

Why blogging and not a personal diary?

My blog is not personal. It discusses social issues which need discussion. Even when I share something personal it is for the purpose of illustrating a concept or showing a side of a modern Muslim family. My personal diaries just collect dust

Achelois is a character in ancient Greek myth. What is the reason behind introducing yourself as Achelois?

I’m fascinated by ancient Greek mythology and theology. Women received immense importance in ancient Greece and its mythology. Achelois is one of the minor Greek moon gods who relieved pain and suffering and brought happiness in the lives of her worshippers. When I was ten years old I was so mersmerised by this insignificant god that I used to dream that I was her. I often used to wonder how such an important act as relieving someone of their pain did not make her the most powerful god. I wondered why the god of war was more powerful when all he did was bring death and misery. Like Achelois, I wanted to take away the pain from everyone I loved. When I was younger, I wanted to take away younger siblings’ toothaches; during teenage years I wanted to mend broken hearts; but as I grew older I realised there were far more types of pain than I had imagined as a child.

I noticed you dont have an “about” page that talks about Suroor. How is Achelois similar to your real personality? What is Achelois not that you are in real life?

Achelois is just like me. Completely. She is just not as short-tempered as I can get in real life but then there are people in real life who spoil me by allowing me throw temper tantrums

How did you become interested in the religion and become an active Muslim woman online?

I have always been interested in religions and how they differentiate us from each other. Even within a family people differ with regards to their differing faiths or levels of faith. I started blogging and now if I may seem active online it is because nice people like Shazia Mistry, Natalia Antonova and yourself promote what I have to say

It seems you have good understanding of religions. How much do you interact with people of other faiths and sects? How much do you know about them?

I interact with all sorts of people. I have friends who are Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, and Atheist. I know people who are straight and who are gay. So, my life is a wonderful learning experience and I learn from them everyday.

Now we come back to Suroor. Do you work? How is being a mom, a wife and a coworker in workplace together?

Yes, I work. I have been working for over a decade now. There is no other life I know. I started working before my husband began working and I didn’t give up even after I started having children. It does get difficult when I’m required to be home with the children, for example when they are sick but when that happens child minding becomes a shared responsibility. My only lonely task was to bear them and bring them into this world. From then onwards if I bring bread on the table with my husband then he must be ready to stay home when I can’t.

I was always curious to ask if you are a hijabi woman? What are the challenges facing you as a veiled/unveiled Muslimah in the west?

No, I don’t wear hijab. I wore it for seven years and then realised it is not a personal choice at all. It is a religious choice. When a woman decides (through her own personal study and not the understanding of ‘others’) that it is required by God then there is no question of personal choice left for her. She must cover her head (or even her face if she thinks niqaab is compulsory) just like she must pray five times a day.

I personally think that hijab is a social requirement in Islam directly linked not to piety but to social arrangement of a given society. For example, I must wear hijab in Saudi Arabia or Iran or even in some parts of Pakistan or ME. I must wear it while praying or visiting an ultra religious family where I will stick out like a sore thumb if my head is uncovered. I ought to wear hijab if I want to go to the fish market in downtown Iraq or Egypt, for example because all these social arrangements can turn awkward or dangerous for me if my head is uncovered. Modesty takes on a completely new meaning in some countries where you have to be covered from head to toe to be spared from ogling eyes and even then it is not guaranteed that you will not be annoyed by frustrated men.

However, hijab can conversely become awkward and dangerous for me in countries that are at war with this ‘Muslim woman’s clothing item.’ I was born and raised in the West where I always dressed modestly with only my hands and head showing and I never felt threatened or was never started at inappropriately. I know I would have turned heads had I been in a tank top. Insisting on wearing a hijab in France for instance would only make me look controversial. Unfortunately for women clothes are not a personal choice in any society. The clothes we wear are always dependant on the type of society and the kind of men that make up that society.

What is your best and worst memory from blogsphere?

When I was going through a personal crisis I received immense love and support from my blogger friends and that will always be my best memory.

Worst memory? None so far Alhamdulliah.

Don’t you think female bloggers, because they are female, are usually forced to be self-censored? How do you deal with this issue?

Do women bloggers censor themselves? I think any blogger, whether man or woman, should know where to draw the line. But censoring what you say only because you are a woman is asking for too much from a writer. I have always said my mind. That is what ‘I’ think and if someone has a problem with it they should not read what I think.

What do you think about the “Muslim blogsphere”? Is there any space like this? Do you like its atmosphere?

I haven’t really seen any demarcation separating the blogsphere based on religion. There are Muslim bloggers; some have interesting blogs that contribute positively to the society and some are just bogus so I don’t read them.

Were you in a situation that because of writing a post, you were under attacks by others? If yes, what was that post about?

Many times! As soon as a woman tries to talk about Islam ‘some’ Muslim men become uncomfortable because Islam is supposed to be their domain. But their women are just as uncomfortable with honesty and are less aware of global issues but highly judgmental because if they are Muslim then no one else can be equally Muslim. You know how some women will first give you nasiha then call you names and finally declare that you are not Muslim?! Judging someone’s else’s imaan apparently strengthens their faith.

And because I am Muslim and glorify Islam my posts often distress those non-Muslims who hate Islam and want me to rather abandon my religion.

What post received the most hits? What was the subject about?

‘Let’s burn the burqa! Gulp!‘ received 805 hits. It basically reviews Taslima Nasrin’s article by the same title.

Do you think you have made a change with blogging so far?

I wanted discussion and people have been discussing on my blog pretty actively, I’d say. I didn’t aim for any major changes. There have been people who have written to me telling me how Achelois (the blog) helped them in understanding Islam or realise that they were in an abusive relationship. There have been bloggers who have claimed on their blogs that they have learnt the most from Achelois. One reader accepted Islam and wrote that my blog helped her embrace Islam. When that happens, such kind people make my day and I celebrate with non-alcoholic red wine toasting to Achelois

Your favorite quote?

“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err. ” – Mohan Das Gandhi

What are your dreams? What do you hope to achieve in the future?

Tolerant, talented, intelligent and well-mannered children. That is all. Alhamdulliah I have everything I ever wanted. Allah gives me more than I ask for and sometimes what I never even think about. Alhamdulliah for everything! My future dreams are directly linked to my children now.

And finally…how do you feel when you are given the title “Empowered Muslim Youth”?

Am I given that title? Wow! I like it especially if you consider me ‘young’! Such an honour. Thank you!